thoughts on driving

I drive fast. Honestly, I really don't think I'm very good at anything, but I consider myself to be a good driver. So today I feel entitled to give random bad drivers the following well meant bits of advice:

- Dear 18 year old SittingInMyHomiesCar,
Do not try to back-overtake me for revenge at speeds you can't handle. Just because I'm a girl or I did not admit that you're the king of the road and noone should drive faster than you, all this shouldn't mean that you risk your sorry little life just to show me who's got more PS - and by the way: that would be me, honey!

- Dear 40 year old MidlifeCrisisSoIGotDrunk,
Even if you're driving drunk, on drugs, on the phone, or whatever, Please make sure you can still find the right lane. Especially when the whole f***ing rest of the street is empty!!!
Do not do the following: 1) stay on the fast lane. That's a no-no, my dear. 2) Stay there and drive slower on purpose when you notice that - oh, my, all of a sudden - there's 5 cars hanging at your ass. Very bad idea. 3) Honk when finally one of your ForcedToDriveLikeDucklings can't hold himself any more, and overtakes you on your right.
Do instead consider: Just drive on the f***ing right lane, dumbass!
That's a boy!

- Dear 60 year old OhMyGoodnessShouldHaveStayedHomeTillTheRainStopped,
Do not drive on the fast lane because you believe to remember that your exit should appear on the left soon - it must be here somewhere, uh, I remember this, it can't be far now... It's just another f***ing 5 kilometres!!! Do instead follow the rules of the street and stay on the right lane!!! Or just stay at home until the rain stops!

- Dear OtherUseless18YearOld,
Do pay some respect to the other people on the street, dear. Noone likes it, when it's raining like on f***ing doomsday. But also it is not appreciated when you overtake someone and go back to your right lane in two meters distance to the other car, that his about 80 years old owner couldn't even control when he was at least seeing where he was going!!! Do try and engage in a little thinking about how much water is spread on the poor guy's windshield, just because you want to show everyone that you had 19 out of 20 points in your theoretical two weeks ago, and try to keep some distance. Tnx, babe!


Yours,
Not-A-Real-Girl-But-Making-Streets-Safer-In-A-Skirt