special treatment? after all your PDA???

AARRRRRRRRR! I'm just too nice. Just hope that this is not getting me into too much trouble.

UPDATE
It's about 12 hours later. I had no normal sleeping intervals since 1.5 weeks.
This couple in my labcourse today - honestly, it left me kind of speechless.
In the end I made the biggest mistake. I gave in. I've reorganized their schedule without having the authority to do so just to get rid of them. Seriously: This cannot happen again!

You Are a Double Espresso

Hey Energizer Bunny Girl! Do you ever slow down? You're a mix of high energy and ambition, perfectly matched with strong espresso When you want something you get it - by any means possible You're driven, determined, and no nonsense. Which is just how you like your java.

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

good to know!

uh... I have these really weird friday-flashbacks where I start to shudder and feel back there again. I've always had that after exams or when I used to paraglide after flights with awkward situations. But when I fly or during exams that go well, time just flys by eventhough I'm nervous. Now I have the feeling that things start going wrong when I suddenly realize where I am and what I'm doing. I had this moment of consciousness during my talk - it was not in an insecure moment or anything, all of a sudden in midsentence I was looking at my slide's projection on the wall and thought a mixture of the following:
- oh my, what the hell am I doing here
- this is actually really cute physics
- there's an awful lot of people sitting here (there were actually just 30 or so)
- when I've finished this thought will I be nervous and screw up?
- ...
- what was I going to say???
Immediately after this I was nervous and screwed up. Well, not totally - but this must have been the moment my professor talked about, because afterwards I got myself together again and the rest went ok.
So, the next time I'm still capable of making the decision I'll cut off those weird thoughts and just go ahead. I feel that I had thought about this before, maybe that's exactly the thing that ruins about half of my exams - sometimes I think I just get myself out of it somehow or this stuff doesn't even start because I'm in the flow from the beginning on.
Friday didn't go really bad or anything, only when I made the most important (to me) point I probably didn't look too confident.
hmmm. Can someone please come and fish the whatifs out of my head???

me up and running again.

I've slept for almost 12 hours, already went grocery shopping, bought funny woolen gloves without fingers but a cap you can pull over them, then I went for lunch with FunnyMicrobiologist (at 3 pm), and just come home. FunnyMicrobiologist is awesome and really smart. She's just started in this lab where they do these really groundbreaking things and they don't even have time to follow up all the interesting stuff they trip over. I don't know if that's normal in her field or not, but it sounds absolutely exciting.
It started snowing tonight, nothing's white yet, but it's getting cooler everyday. And it's dark early. It's pitch black outside! I really appreciate that we're trying to keep the light pollution down and I've got pretty good night vision, but if I can't do my 5min way home in less than 20 minutes while my tears freeze on my face because I can't see my feet or the ground (my cell's battery was down), that's just too much. I protest! If there was snow we could at least see a little.

My presentation was ok, but I was asked a question I couldn't answer. That itself is not my problem, and I don't think it affected my inexistent credibility too much, only - it was exactly the kind of question I would ask myself first. I'm still pretty upset about that... I'm not too happy with what one of my professors said, though. I hate to think that I can't take criticism. I just have totally different things I didn't like. One thing he said was that I should have had more slides for some of the concepts - well: I had 60 slides when I started. Since the professors that hold the seminar told us to not have more than 15 slides I reduced mine to 21 with 6 of those being the fast intro and goodbye slides. And I had a really hard time doing that. Next time I'll just do what I think is best - wow, would have thought that I was old enough to know that by now...
And then he said I was too nervous (ok, you really can't hear HOW he said it). I really don't know how to react to that, so here come a few options:
Sarcastic: oh really? I didn't notice. But thank you for pointing it out in such a nice way.
Realistic: I didn't know that my evaluation is based on my hormonal state.
Me: How the **** can I not be nervous with 10 professors sitting in front of me when I'm not even able to keep it together when I'm only talking to only one?

I know this sounds like I was another precious little snowflake but I actually wanted comments on my physics and not on the infrared spectrum emitted by my face, thanks.
Again, I hate to think that I can't take criticism, and I'm being childish and a snowflake - I'm just a little frustrated.
gotta grow up, right?

over. done. sleep

t - a bit. i don't really feel good about this.

t -10.
need to sleep.

t -17 hours: this sucks!

t -19 hours: still the same. had some coffee, though.
i'm slightly scared, tired, exhausted and waiting for the next batch of adrenaline and endorphines to kick in - i'm sitting at some meeting and desperately want to leave and finish my presentation.
please, let me leave!!!

relieved. enough coffee, only 4 slides to finish.
it's t -21 hours

t -23 hours. one coffee one new slide

university.
it's t -25 hours.

coffee is truly important to outcome of presentation.
right now i'm seriously considering to insert a selfmade crayon drawing.
it's t - 29 hours.

wow, i've just made a 3-paper sheets long diagram. how am i ever going to fit this on one slide???

much ado about nothing!
things don't look too bad after all. so all this bad mood, disappointment and not concentrating on my presentation: all for nothing!!
i'd really love to bang my head against the wall right now. just too many people watching.
i feel stupid and friday is giving me the creeps.
later.

so, while in bad mood already, why not make some ridiculous confessions.
some time ago i met this guy and it turned out i really liked him. too bad that i was in this weird emotionless state - when a lot of stuff happens i just run on some kind of default - not getting too attached to things... well, not that he was much better, but that's the guys vs. girls thing right? one day i'll take a course on proper female behaviour, promise to self.
So WHY the **** can't I just be my usual self and get over it? it's months later and all of a sudden i've become all mushy.
see, HOW PATHETIC AM I??
ok, now i feel totally stupid, this should really help getting me normal again.
back to work.

news: awesome crazy stuff is not going to happen. exactly what i feared most happened. well maybe i'm still gonna do it it's just going to take a little longer. well. first have to get through the disappointment. and finish my presentation.
damn

hmmmm. more coffee or more tea?

mmmm. coffee with crema!
just came to my mind: i got so scared after reading the angry professor's blog and RateYourStudents, but actually i've done my own rambling here as well. hope i didn't scare anyone... but see, i had another of these LikeTheRedHairedGuyInER. I might translate and repost that - for the sake of procrastination :)

... trying to finish a presentation but it feels like i've only just begun. too much other stuff I'd like and have to concentrate on right now. doesn't really help.
at least i've got a yankee candle here, good music and great coffee! i so love my new coffee mashine! i feel she deserves a name. something like a B&B landlady's name. any ideas?

at least i've stopped obsessing about the stuff i read in other blogs. i'm still freaked when talking to professors but things here just work differently. i knew that before but well - i tend to overreact.

the typical semester feeling is back. the ohoh-i-don't-understand-a-thing-no-time-to-keep-up feeling that only goes away a day before exams - or maybe a couple of days - when you finally get a grip on things. then semester starts again and it's the same thing all over. we talk about not letting it get to us anymore but it's hard everytime, eventhough i feel i'm used to it now in some weird way - never enough time. presentation due friday, homework for ReallyCoolFarFromMyField class due tuesday, prepare tutoring due tomorrow, finish preparing medstudents labcourses due also friday, finish homework for ReallyCoolTheory class due tuesday, do homework for LittleLessCoolTheory class - although I like the assignments - due thursday, do homework for Experimental class due -can you guess?- friday. cut the presentation and you get my usual week's schedule. and also the AwesomeCrazyStuff that happened - that has taken up a lot more time that thought and it'll need even more... i can't really talk about it yet - well i did but the amount of people knowing about it was not intended. i'm just so scared about it not working out and then being disappointed...

i love my life. i'd love it slightly more if days had 48 hours.