Friday, December 28, 2007


Your results:
You are Supergirl

The Flash
Wonder Woman
Green Lantern
Iron Man
Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

NC's Christmas Tale

24th - What a wonderful day.
The morning didn't even start that bad. I drove to my mum's office, since she had to work, we had breakfast, and then I was kept from reading ExperimentalSubject-Book by one of her coworkers who filled me in to the newest exciting stuff that's going on - it was hilarious!
Also, the coffee was really good so I drove us all the way to CrazyFamily. I like CrazyFamily, I also like the attachments to CrazyFamily - what I don't like is CrazySuburbia where they live.
CrazySuburbia has a lot of nice inhabitants but there's also the AnnoyingFamily.
One member of the AnnoyingFamily was once my flatmate when he worked in my city, and he was pretty easy going and cool, I just never saw much of him. The rest of his family has some really annoying dynamics going on, I wouldn't care too much about that if not - one sunny day - I was made the newest f***ing suburbia-crap-talk-about. So, here comes a little story:

One sunny day during exam preparation NC sits at her kitchen table when all of a sudden her phone rings. NC of course is delighted to hear from AnnoyingYoungerBrother who is just studying for his finals and figures it would be nice to know what this one professor of his would ask.
Since that professor was once here in my city, AnnoyingYoungerBrother goes: Oh, NC! You know so many people (he must have forgotten that I'm a physicist), I'm sure you could organize some protocols that were written by that professor's former students (if time allows), I need them in two weeks (latest)!
NC: -
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: You know, this is really important!
NC: I see...
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: I'm sure you'll manage. Bye!
NC: -
Phone: beeep.
Of course, NC can spend some time finding out that there's even two Student Organizations for this ReallyExtremelyFarFromMine-Field - light years further than ReallyCoolFarFromMine-Field - and NC can still see no plausible explanation for that. These two organizations don't answer NC's emails, so one rainy day NC decides to go visit them in person. Both tell NC that there's no such thing as protocols for this specific subfield of ReallyExtremelyFarFromMine-Field after searching through their folders for each at least 15 min.
Disappointed NC calls AnnoyingYoungerBrother.
NC: Hi, AnnoyingYoungerBrother, this is NC. I'm really sorry, but I have to bring bad -
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: Oh, no, you forgot? I told you this was urgent!
NC: No, no, I didn't forget, these protocols just don't exist.
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: Oh come on, I know that there's this OfficialPerson who has them. I'm just in DifferentCountry and can't get them.
NC: Oh, I'll see what I can do then.
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: Bye!
NC: B..
Phone: beeep.
The next day NC wants to know more about OfficialPerson and after some research she finds out that OfficialPerson is in no way related to NC'sUniversity, but that NC'sParlament has elected OfficialPerson to be the highest jurisdiction on recourses and such, so has all the official protocols of very final Finals. NC is smart enough to figure out all by herself that these are not thought to be a learning aid for prospective ReallyExtremelyFarFromMine-FieldProfessionals and just when she wants to call AnnoyingYoungerBrother her phone rings.
NC's mum: Uh, NC, honey! I just got a weird call from CrazyFamilyMember. OtherCrazyFamilyMember told CrazyFamilyMember that MotherOfAnnoyingYoungerBrother heard from AnnoyingYoungerBrother that you're not willing to help him with some F***StupidStuff that I didn't understand because I was distracted because she actually made someone get me out of ReallyImportantMeeting.
NC: Oh, no, mommy, I'm sorry. There's just no legal way I could help AnnoyingYoungerBrother.
NC's mum: AnnoyingFamily is really annoying.
NC: Yeah, mommy, I'm really sorry that interfered with your job. I'll handle it.
NC's mum: Ok dear. Gotta go back to work.
NC: Bye.
(I put the last two lines in to also let you read about the nice part of my tale)
NC punches phone number into phone,
Phone: Ringring
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: Hi, NC. Did you get them?
NC: Are you sure you meant OfficialPerson, because OfficialPerson does only ReallyOfficialStuff, and the two student organizations really have nothing for your subfield.
AnnoyingYoungerBrother: Oh, just go to OfficialPerson (AnnoyingYoungerBrother clearly didn't understand what NC said).
NC: But...
Phone: beeep.
So in the end NC actually calls OfficialPerson'sSecretary and is offered a major smackdown for free. Major. As in how-f***ing-stupid-are-you-?-smackdown-major and decides to leave it at that before going to jail.
NC tries to call AnnoyingYoungerBrother but he doesn't respond, so she writes an sms and never gets an answer.

End of story?

Well, not really. Today CrazyFamilyMember told me she heard from MotherOfAnnoyingYoungerBrother, that he had said that I either didn't want to help him or that I hadn't understood what he wanted because I was distracted playing on my computer. Yeah, I can remember that I wrote down that professor's name and the subfield and that I tried to google both. Really didn't know that doing REALLY-UNTHANKFUL-ANNOYING-BRAT's research is now considered computer gaming.
CrazyFamilyMembers also filled me in today that AnnoyingFamily is coming for lunch tomorrow.

GoodOldFamilyFriends were here for dinner. One part of them is going to die of cancer. We had great food and great conversation and almost totally forgot about that, but now I feel totally fucked up. At least we didn't have the usual shitty family drama - but still: Christmas sucks.
It's now AnnoyingFamily'sArrival minus ten minutes.

It's now Wednesday.
Yesterday I managed to bite my tongue and smalltalked with the less annoying members of AnnoyingFamily. The rest of the day I spent studying (don't pity me, that's how I evaded newest CrazySuburbia gossip).
Yesterday evening CrazyCousin's Girlfriend's Aunt collapsed. She is braindead and right now undergoing harvesting surgery.
Christmas sucks.

Friday, December 21, 2007


If I had thought last week was crazy, this one is even worse. And today (which is not even halfway over)... today:
Today's actually supposed to be last day of school, last fun before hard core studying. Last courses, last seminar, last slide, coffee, run to station to get some food, run to catch train, eat lunch on train, run to some office, get official documentation, run on bus, drive home to get other documents, get phone call from flatmate searching for keys, change from fancy skirt and pullover into good ol' baggy pants and hoodie, take ladder, go to waste container, climb in waste container to search for keys, search for keys (delta t: 30 min, Temperature: 269 K, NC: disgusted), climb out of container, panic about keys, take ladder, go back into appartment, get rid of clothes, turn on World'sBestCoffeeMashine, take coffee and laptop, and post.
Still to do:
go to postal office, send documents, go back to university, have beer with peers, and meet some other people for drinks.

Right now I can't decide if I:
- will ever stand up again
- have time to take a shower
- smell
- only feel smelly
- can ever eat mango again (you haven't seen what I've seen today)

Don't you also have this funny feeling that my real name is Guybrush Threepwood?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

a post

Just a little bit about me. Not a particularly good idea, considered that this can be read by everyone in the pretty-darn huge world wide web (Remind me to tell about the guy that constantly said pretty-darn and annoyed me beyond belief in only something like 5 hours. Just don't ever say pretty-darn something if you don't really absolutely mean it. Please!).
Can anyone tell me if that comma after idea is correct? That wasn't even a real sentence, oh, whatever.
So back to - me. Right now I'm sitting at the table in my living room, it's transparent because it's made of glass - which by the way is an amorph solid state of a relatively simple silicate - and we've got six chairs around it: one's blue, one's black, and the others are different shades of petrol and greyish blue. And I'm working on ACS. And I should continue.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

staying awake

so, after listening to alot of other stuff, I've started with Powderfinger. If anyone's interested, I'll tell you which album. Keeps me awake.
Tried to do some stuff for ACS today, took loads of time. Gotta get vacation (how bout tomorrow in five years) or at least sleep.
Saw a good old friend today. He's fine, which makes me really happy.
Life's good, just need more time...

Sunday, December 16, 2007

crazy weeks

Wow. Week's over. I'm still working hard to make AwesomeCrazyStuff happen, but exam days are near and I really want to start exclusively focusing on that. And I know already that some of the ACS preparation is severely going to interfere then. So, to summarize: I'm constantly drawn between doing as much as I can to speed up preparation, but more and more small but timeconsuming tasks are accumulating, and trying to keep up with my courses. I'm not doing well on that. Especially ReallyCoolFarFromMyField class has suffered alot, because, ya know, physics comes first. Problem is just, that I'll have an exam there as well, I don't even have a date for that yet, and no time to learn for it anyway.

I had actually written a post about regrets but it was so not me - I couldn't put it here. I don't regret anything yet. I'm just so scared that I might. Why can't my future self appear and tell me how it's going to work out, so I can see if all the trouble's really worth it?

Whatif, blah, blah, whatif, blah, maybe, blah, blah, some more pathetic crap, blah, blah, blah.


Little bonus:
I was invited to a bit of wine and when I arrived someone greeted me with: what the f*** are you doing here?
In my current state the only thing I could answer was: I don't know. I have absolutely no idea.
Then I walked on.

Friday, December 14, 2007

yeah.. right

cash advance

Saturday, December 08, 2007

I made my mom do the spice test. She just called me and told me she was chiltepin pepper.
I'm so boring.

thoughts on driving

I drive fast. Honestly, I really don't think I'm very good at anything, but I consider myself to be a good driver. So today I feel entitled to give random bad drivers the following well meant bits of advice:

- Dear 18 year old SittingInMyHomiesCar,
Do not try to back-overtake me for revenge at speeds you can't handle. Just because I'm a girl or I did not admit that you're the king of the road and noone should drive faster than you, all this shouldn't mean that you risk your sorry little life just to show me who's got more PS - and by the way: that would be me, honey!

- Dear 40 year old MidlifeCrisisSoIGotDrunk,
Even if you're driving drunk, on drugs, on the phone, or whatever, Please make sure you can still find the right lane. Especially when the whole f***ing rest of the street is empty!!!
Do not do the following: 1) stay on the fast lane. That's a no-no, my dear. 2) Stay there and drive slower on purpose when you notice that - oh, my, all of a sudden - there's 5 cars hanging at your ass. Very bad idea. 3) Honk when finally one of your ForcedToDriveLikeDucklings can't hold himself any more, and overtakes you on your right.
Do instead consider: Just drive on the f***ing right lane, dumbass!
That's a boy!

- Dear 60 year old OhMyGoodnessShouldHaveStayedHomeTillTheRainStopped,
Do not drive on the fast lane because you believe to remember that your exit should appear on the left soon - it must be here somewhere, uh, I remember this, it can't be far now... It's just another f***ing 5 kilometres!!! Do instead follow the rules of the street and stay on the right lane!!! Or just stay at home until the rain stops!

- Dear OtherUseless18YearOld,
Do pay some respect to the other people on the street, dear. Noone likes it, when it's raining like on f***ing doomsday. But also it is not appreciated when you overtake someone and go back to your right lane in two meters distance to the other car, that his about 80 years old owner couldn't even control when he was at least seeing where he was going!!! Do try and engage in a little thinking about how much water is spread on the poor guy's windshield, just because you want to show everyone that you had 19 out of 20 points in your theoretical two weeks ago, and try to keep some distance. Tnx, babe!


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Your Score: Saffron

You scored 75% intoxication, 25% hotness, 100% complexity, and 50% craziness!

You are Saffron!

Those other spices have nothing on you! You're warm, smart, and you make people feel really good (and with no side-effects!). You can be difficult to get to know and require a lot of those who try, but you're so totally worth it. *Sigh*

go ahead, take the test yourself!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

and once again...

I'm in for a long night. ReallyCoolTheoryClass is really good for endless Monday nights.
I was at the opera yesterday evening. I couldn't help it and wept for at least two thirds of the entire performance. There's no explanation - I'm just touched by certain kinds of music and ambiance and this was absolutely beautiful.
Back to work

Saturday, December 01, 2007


going to a ball tomorrow. Since I'm not used to stuff not fitting me, I didn't think of trying my dress till now. It'll do, but I still had some trouble getting into it.
Wish me luck!

oh, yeah:
Everything worked out fine. Dress actually fit perfectly well - Guess I was just not that capable at 4am.

Friday, November 30, 2007


Wow, today I gave the last labcourse. Ever. At least for now.
Great group, I couldn't help to buy them all coffee. They were awesome.
Still, I won't miss it.
gotta go to a math party.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


looks funny but sucks.
and what does it have to do with vortices?
ok, that's still clearer to me than why it's got a volume energy term and why exactly this should be dependent on an external force when I can't even see what this energy is supposed to be doing...
oh, well it sounds reasonable but it's just waaaay tooooo hiiiiiiigh for me.

maybe it doesn't suck but I've answered most of the question and now feel braindead. I wanted to write this without consonants to emphasize, but noone could have read it. So now you'll just have to imagine that my brain's actually dead but that my fingers still know how to write. Makes sense, eh?
It's 1:40. Gotta sleep

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

always the same...

... but different everytime.

3 days ago: some guy in a conversation with me starts playing with my wallet -
some guy: can I look what's inside
me (can't really deny and be unfriendly): umm... (pause)... sure.
some guy nestles around obviously trying to find something personal
me: you won't find anything interesting, there's just money in there.
some guy tries even harder
me: --
some guy finally gives up and says: wow, you're not a real girl, real girls carry pictures and little notes and stuff like that.
me: -- ?
some guy: honestly, you can't be a real girl.
me: well I know I'm a girl, right now I'm even wearing a skirt!
some guy looks at my front: ... yeah ok, the skirt makes you a girl.


yesterday: some other guy in a conversation with me starts playing with my wallet, fumbling around for half an hour not opening it but clearly curious. I can't pretend not to notice any longer
me: oh... go ahead, look inside you won't find anything interesting there's just money in there.
some other guy opens it and looks inside
me: yeah, I know, I'm not a typical girl, no pictures, no notes, but I wear a skirt, see.
some other guy: no typical person would wear a skirt with this weather!

end of story

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I've answered a question!!!
Must be the coffee!

Monday, November 26, 2007

thoughts on chocolate

I don't like chocolate. That might not seem to be a very deep statement or a very personal thing to say, but funnily enough it will multiply your chances to know who I am by millions, though I probably won't tell people anymore for the following reason:
They tend to get offended.
Mostly I get offered chocolate by people that are eating chocolate themselves. I usually politely reject saying that I don't like chocolate too much which seems to be the worst answer of all! Not only do I refuse to help them not to consume too many calories, I also don't worship the donation of some people's favourite thing on earth so it seems.
I'm just home from a long day of fruitless attempts on RCFFMF and RCT exercises, turned on my absolutely gorgeous coffee mashine to get ready for more BeingTooDense, when my flatmate started to pity me and presented me with some chocolate. It was a really cute thing to do - which I told her - but still she seemed a little taken aback when I thankfully rejected. I do understand that people want their presents to be appreciated in every way BUT I REALLY THINK IT'S YUCKY!!! GIMME STAKE!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

wow, you have to go to the third google page to find me under my real name.
I'd love to have some coffee right now, but there's just wine left...
Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster,
I don't know what to do! I'm surrounded by people that don't believe in evolution. Gotta get out of here! Please help people understand that it's just your noodely extensions!

btw. I don't believe in you, but that shouldn't make any difference, right?

Your's faitfully

Saturday, November 24, 2007


- I drive too fast. Seriously.
- ReallyCoolFarFromMyField class turns out to be more work than I thought
- Friday I missed the one seminar talk I was most interested in,
- had a student in the lab who didn't know how to turn on a computer (push the big round and LABELED button in the front),
- had great breakfast and conversation at CoolParticleTheoryGirl's place, because
- we had a party on Thursday night, where I
- put too much gin in one of my professors' drink, but at least I
- didn't totally ruin everything with the other professor
- and met really great people!!!
- Right now I'm in a DifferentCountry at MyMum'sBestFriend's place and should do some work. There's a great coffee machine here and the sun is shining and I'm really tempted to just sit outside and do nothing for a while instead of NotWorkingButBlogging inside.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

being... me

The longer I do physics, the more I recognize myself in stupid clichés. At least I try to dress nicely, I wear skirts and heels and mascara, I shower everyday, and I try not to be too buddylike to guys that are not my peers. I've always liked science fiction, though, and I have to admit that I still play d&d twice a year when I meet my old friends, I love techy gadgets and I still read comics - I just don't buy them anymore.
I guess I have been geekier when I was younger but there's new symtoms: confusion, paranoia and neuroses.
I thought my mum's birthday was tomorrow but then I realized yesterday that Wednesday was not the 24th. When people look at me I usually think I either bleed somewhere in my face, or I have some kind of stains on my clothes, or that I have birdshit on my hair. I need to know that my kitchen is absolutely clean to sleep.

Pathetic little me.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

a story

I'm trying to follow a derviation of some equation while drinking some wine (not coffee) and the following comes to my mind:
When I was working at the VBA some weeks ago I lived in a really nice hotel with conference rooms and such in the middle of nowhere. Since all the people from my university were there - at the university - or at some meeting or buisy otherwise and I didn't go by car, I went to the Hotel around 9 pm and had dinner there alone almost every night. How awfully pathetic.
One night I was chatted up by two guys. A doctor (MD) and a pilot. It was really nice not to be alone - after being practically alone in the office the whole day - and they talked alot about themselves until they asked me what I was doing. I told them I studied physics and was there to work at the VBA - the first one left to get another drink and chat to some other person at the bar. The one that was left asked me what exactly I was doing there and I answered with one sentence, trying not to be too geeky - he left with a lame excuse.
end of story

Saturday, November 17, 2007

oh, well...

The week is over.
I've talked to the labsupervisor about the monday issue (I didn't mention the PDA though), he laughed and was really friendly asking about my future plans. And I had two more labs with really great students! I loved it although this week it took up alot of my time - it's going to be better the rest of semester.
It was really good talking to a senior person about my plans - it was more like chatting - and I'd like to know his opinion on all this and talk to him some more. Just have to find the right moment. I'm don't really want to make a formal appointment, the institute is very familiar so we're more used to walking in somewhere and say hi, but I think he's very buisy and to be honest I'm sometimes scared that I desperately want some kind of advisor or mentor because my dad's being such a jerk, and I always think I should be old enough to handle stuff alone. My mom is really awesome, but she's a professional in every sense, she's not in academia, and when she was a student I'm pretty sure she always knew what she was doing. A lot of people around me think I'm a tough girl or something but as soon as they talk to me my insecurities become pretty obvious.
I've read alot in the Female Science Professor's blog recently. I'm so glad I found it! She writes about many things I think not only female scientists should be interested in. Not only that I feel less alone in these genderissues, it also helps selfreflecting. Usually I react to sexist comments with laughing or making even worse jokes like - yeah, actually I'm really just here to find myself a husband! That doesn't help, I guess. One of my peers sometimes joked about what I wear and that I had much more opportunities than him to meet potential partners until one day I got really upset about it - he apologized and never did it again, but I have this nagging feeling sometimes that this was not just fun and that at least he said what he tought while others might not do so.
Still the comment that hurt me most in all my life was that I had only passed electrodynamics because I wore a skirt. I shouldn't have to defend myself on this but here comes: It was a very hot day in summer, the skirt went over my knees, I didn't wear heels and no low neckline. I became very nervous after the professor said something like I should stop explaining stuff because that's what formulas were for and it went really badly. I couln't say a word after that and wrote total bullshit on this dammed blackboard. His office was small so I was stuck between his desk and the wall and I remember thinking he might stab me in the back or break my neck from behind. I've had these exam issues for ever and it gets better but this was one of the worst days I've ever had and mentioned comment...
I'm insecure enough without stuff like that. I just want to do physics until someone figures out how incapable I really am and kicks me out. I even tell people in the face! I know I shouldn't mix up my own insecurity with sexist comments from absolute jerks but they sort of kling together.

Monday, November 12, 2007

special treatment? after all your PDA???

AARRRRRRRRR! I'm just too nice. Just hope that this is not getting me into too much trouble.

It's about 12 hours later. I had no normal sleeping intervals since 1.5 weeks.
This couple in my labcourse today - honestly, it left me kind of speechless.
In the end I made the biggest mistake. I gave in. I've reorganized their schedule without having the authority to do so just to get rid of them. Seriously: This cannot happen again!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

You Are a Double Espresso

Hey Energizer Bunny Girl! Do you ever slow down?

You're a mix of high energy and ambition, perfectly matched with strong espresso

When you want something you get it - by any means possible

You're driven, determined, and no nonsense. Which is just how you like your java.

good to know!
uh... I have these really weird friday-flashbacks where I start to shudder and feel back there again. I've always had that after exams or when I used to paraglide after flights with awkward situations. But when I fly or during exams that go well, time just flys by eventhough I'm nervous. Now I have the feeling that things start going wrong when I suddenly realize where I am and what I'm doing. I had this moment of consciousness during my talk - it was not in an insecure moment or anything, all of a sudden in midsentence I was looking at my slide's projection on the wall and thought a mixture of the following:
- oh my, what the hell am I doing here
- this is actually really cute physics
- there's an awful lot of people sitting here (there were actually just 30 or so)
- when I've finished this thought will I be nervous and screw up?
- ...
- what was I going to say???
Immediately after this I was nervous and screwed up. Well, not totally - but this must have been the moment my professor talked about, because afterwards I got myself together again and the rest went ok.
So, the next time I'm still capable of making the decision I'll cut off those weird thoughts and just go ahead. I feel that I had thought about this before, maybe that's exactly the thing that ruins about half of my exams - sometimes I think I just get myself out of it somehow or this stuff doesn't even start because I'm in the flow from the beginning on.
Friday didn't go really bad or anything, only when I made the most important (to me) point I probably didn't look too confident.
hmmm. Can someone please come and fish the whatifs out of my head???

Saturday, November 10, 2007

me up and running again.

I've slept for almost 12 hours, already went grocery shopping, bought funny woolen gloves without fingers but a cap you can pull over them, then I went for lunch with FunnyMicrobiologist (at 3 pm), and just come home. FunnyMicrobiologist is awesome and really smart. She's just started in this lab where they do these really groundbreaking things and they don't even have time to follow up all the interesting stuff they trip over. I don't know if that's normal in her field or not, but it sounds absolutely exciting.
It started snowing tonight, nothing's white yet, but it's getting cooler everyday. And it's dark early. It's pitch black outside! I really appreciate that we're trying to keep the light pollution down and I've got pretty good night vision, but if I can't do my 5min way home in less than 20 minutes while my tears freeze on my face because I can't see my feet or the ground (my cell's battery was down), that's just too much. I protest! If there was snow we could at least see a little.

My presentation was ok, but I was asked a question I couldn't answer. That itself is not my problem, and I don't think it affected my inexistent credibility too much, only - it was exactly the kind of question I would ask myself first. I'm still pretty upset about that... I'm not too happy with what one of my professors said, though. I hate to think that I can't take criticism. I just have totally different things I didn't like. One thing he said was that I should have had more slides for some of the concepts - well: I had 60 slides when I started. Since the professors that hold the seminar told us to not have more than 15 slides I reduced mine to 21 with 6 of those being the fast intro and goodbye slides. And I had a really hard time doing that. Next time I'll just do what I think is best - wow, would have thought that I was old enough to know that by now...
And then he said I was too nervous (ok, you really can't hear HOW he said it). I really don't know how to react to that, so here come a few options:
Sarcastic: oh really? I didn't notice. But thank you for pointing it out in such a nice way.
Realistic: I didn't know that my evaluation is based on my hormonal state.
Me: How the **** can I not be nervous with 10 professors sitting in front of me when I'm not even able to keep it together when I'm only talking to only one?

I know this sounds like I was another precious little snowflake but I actually wanted comments on my physics and not on the infrared spectrum emitted by my face, thanks.
Again, I hate to think that I can't take criticism, and I'm being childish and a snowflake - I'm just a little frustrated.
gotta grow up, right?

Friday, November 09, 2007

over. done. sleep
t - a bit. i don't really feel good about this.
t -10.
need to sleep.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

t -17 hours: this sucks!
t -19 hours: still the same. had some coffee, though.
i'm slightly scared, tired, exhausted and waiting for the next batch of adrenaline and endorphines to kick in - i'm sitting at some meeting and desperately want to leave and finish my presentation.
please, let me leave!!!
relieved. enough coffee, only 4 slides to finish.
it's t -21 hours
t -23 hours. one coffee one new slide
it's t -25 hours.
coffee is truly important to outcome of presentation.
right now i'm seriously considering to insert a selfmade crayon drawing.
it's t - 29 hours.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

wow, i've just made a 3-paper sheets long diagram. how am i ever going to fit this on one slide???

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

much ado about nothing!
things don't look too bad after all. so all this bad mood, disappointment and not concentrating on my presentation: all for nothing!!
i'd really love to bang my head against the wall right now. just too many people watching.
i feel stupid and friday is giving me the creeps.

Monday, November 05, 2007

so, while in bad mood already, why not make some ridiculous confessions.
some time ago i met this guy and it turned out i really liked him. too bad that i was in this weird emotionless state - when a lot of stuff happens i just run on some kind of default - not getting too attached to things... well, not that he was much better, but that's the guys vs. girls thing right? one day i'll take a course on proper female behaviour, promise to self.
So WHY the **** can't I just be my usual self and get over it? it's months later and all of a sudden i've become all mushy.
ok, now i feel totally stupid, this should really help getting me normal again.
back to work.
news: awesome crazy stuff is not going to happen. exactly what i feared most happened. well maybe i'm still gonna do it it's just going to take a little longer. well. first have to get through the disappointment. and finish my presentation.
hmmmm. more coffee or more tea?
mmmm. coffee with crema!
just came to my mind: i got so scared after reading the angry professor's blog and RateYourStudents, but actually i've done my own rambling here as well. hope i didn't scare anyone... but see, i had another of these LikeTheRedHairedGuyInER. I might translate and repost that - for the sake of procrastination :)
... trying to finish a presentation but it feels like i've only just begun. too much other stuff I'd like and have to concentrate on right now. doesn't really help.
at least i've got a yankee candle here, good music and great coffee! i so love my new coffee mashine! i feel she deserves a name. something like a B&B landlady's name. any ideas?

at least i've stopped obsessing about the stuff i read in other blogs. i'm still freaked when talking to professors but things here just work differently. i knew that before but well - i tend to overreact.

the typical semester feeling is back. the ohoh-i-don't-understand-a-thing-no-time-to-keep-up feeling that only goes away a day before exams - or maybe a couple of days - when you finally get a grip on things. then semester starts again and it's the same thing all over. we talk about not letting it get to us anymore but it's hard everytime, eventhough i feel i'm used to it now in some weird way - never enough time. presentation due friday, homework for ReallyCoolFarFromMyField class due tuesday, prepare tutoring due tomorrow, finish preparing medstudents labcourses due also friday, finish homework for ReallyCoolTheory class due tuesday, do homework for LittleLessCoolTheory class - although I like the assignments - due thursday, do homework for Experimental class due -can you guess?- friday. cut the presentation and you get my usual week's schedule. and also the AwesomeCrazyStuff that happened - that has taken up a lot more time that thought and it'll need even more... i can't really talk about it yet - well i did but the amount of people knowing about it was not intended. i'm just so scared about it not working out and then being disappointed...

i love my life. i'd love it slightly more if days had 48 hours.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The last couple of weeks life sort of just happened to me. Awesome crazy stuff is going on. Need sleep or coffee :)

Sunday, October 14, 2007

uh, trying to solve quantummechanics exercises with hangover is proving harder than I thought. Looks like I really deserve to feel like this, for lack of better judgement.

Friday, October 12, 2007

life looks way better today. I didn't really want to admit it: I'm ALWAYS happy but I was in my first really bad mood for ages due to multiple reasons. And now things look less worth being grumpy about. I really wanted to tell more about the last couple of weeks but I absolutely need to sleep, so
good night.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I have been reading through the Angry Professor's Blog the last couple of days and right now I'm really scared. I try to behave just normal (doesn't work too well) around professors and if I don't manage I just avoid them or I drink which helps alot until I'm sober again. After reading the other blog ... There's no way I can do this or anything else right. I still have this one (MyFavouriteSubject) professor's book at home (it seems to keep getting longer), I just told him that I think he was intimidating (it was a very funny evening) and now I can't give back his book because I never want to disturb any professor anymore forever (hope there was enough bad grammar and adverbs to emphasize).....

Wow, reading that professors do know when people are not attending class - maybe I should have told everyone about the workshop and VeryBigAccelerator. Really, I always thought noone cared. But then again I would have bothered everyone saying that, and I myself would feel weird going around telling...
How can anyone work out how to do that kind of stuff. I'm a physicist. I hate psycho crap!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

back again.

Wow, trying to figure out where to start...
Finished classes, had exams (passed), went hiking with friends, went to one or two summerschools, came back home, went to workshop, went to very big accelerator (VBA), started school two weeks late, and that was last week, had the party, went to phd defenses and more party, went to Greatest Mountain Girl's birthday party, came back Sunday night, watched Pride and Prejudice did homework for Really Cool Far From My Field (RCFFMF) class until 3am (needed coffee), was bug-bitten on the eyelid while sleeping, missed the train on Monday morning (I still touched it!), had better eyelid at lunchtime, learned in students room, went to the movies with people from My Favourite Subject (MFS), went to a cafe this morning (sat next to two really mean women), went to university, tried homework from 9am to 3pm but had to answer 32 phone calls (not joking), went to RCFFMF class (awesome: I understand all the physics!!), went home, tried homework again but had to answer 4 phone calls, talked to my flatmate after she gave me wine, finished talking, wrote blog entry.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

so. that was it. definetely.
i used to write this blog in german, i know, but now, this fits right now, the english thingy, not that my english was better than my german, it's just less personal.
back to topic. this was it. 26th was my 23rd birthday. not that i hated it, i just didn't spend as much time with my mummy as i had intended, nor did i spend it with friends but with colleagues, which was real fun but just not the way i wanted it to be..., well actually i totally forgot about my birthday until saturday, when my mum reminded me. but, anyway

i know, i didn't write alot the past few months, i don't feel sorry since there's noone reading this anyways and i had exams, i know thats the case like all the time, modern physics and theroetical mechanics and i was in the mood to write more than once, just didn't want to have an excuse not to learn and also writing in german is far more personal than writing in english. modern physics went quite well, although i made a total fool of myself as usual. my mistakes during exams always become famous in the whole physics institute... after this i started to learn for theoretical mechanics and everything went ok (i like theoretical subjects) until i learned that my daddy was hospitalized because he'd had a double bypass and noone told me. since neither nurses nor doctors wanted to tell me how he was doing i had to leave for germany to see them personally. i might have to say that i haven't talked to him for more than two years except once...

so i went on a 4 hour train trip to the middle of nowhere to get to know what was going on... of course he was fine, didn't even think about telling me before all of this even if he had a surgery where they stopped his heart beat and all that stuff like on telly.
in the end i lost 3 days of learning mechanics (still passed) for nothing since i thought we had made a deal to stay in touch but he didn't even write an sms for my birthday...

someday i'm gonna be better, right?

Thursday, January 18, 2007

motivation and such...

today I had mechanics class. sad but true: I had almost no idea what he was talking about, I mean rigid bodies, moment of inertia, euler, ok but the Feynman story? I really have to go through that again, got totally confused. And everyone's freaked because of the modern physics exam...
Anyway. TheOnlyOtherGirl, we take modern physics together, was at my place to study. I really tried but got nowhere. This constant feeling-stupid is giving me a hard time.
So in the end we decided to go out and drink to our silliness - not open the depressing bottle of wine and hang at my kitchentable that is stuffed with books and papers. Wow! I remembered why I'm doing all this. The 3-Body-Genesis-Thingy came to my mind - she hadn't heard about it yet - and while telling her the story I had these awesome shudders! Mechanics can really be totally sexy! All the frustration is just gone, and when I came home I finished another part of my modern physics assignment - not all of it, but still - just not let any demotivation come up again.

Also, monday I had the best, fastest, nicest and most interested medstudents lab group ever! During my days off I really didn't look forward to embarrassing myself in front of the meds again, but the last 2 groups were really great!!

Isn't life great? At least for tonight frustration is gone and I'm just happy!
physics is great! aloha

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


heute war das praktikum ja mal echt gut!!!
kann gut sein, dass das an mir liegt, bin vielleicht einfach ein bisschen ruhiger geworden, aber alle haben wirklich mitgemacht, keiner hat rumgenervt, keiner irgendwelche leute angeödet, also einfach so richtig angnehm! tinafreu!
hab angefangen, zu überlegen, was für zusatzpunkte ich haben will, und irgendwie siehts danach aus, dass mich momentan astrophysik und maschienenbau-aviatik-zeugs interessieren... hätte ich echt nicht gedacht, aber ich wills scheinbar machen. das war vielleicht ein komma zuviel?!?, naja egal, jedenfalls tu ichs vielleicht wirklich, letztes jahr hab ich irgendwie an noch mehr mathevorlesungen gedacht, da hab ich bloss mit der ganzen mmp keine lust mehr drauf, höchstens vielleicht algebra, naja...
gehts anderen leuten auch so? komisches in der luft hängen, alles gleichzeitig machen wollen, aber sich für nix entscheiden können aus zeit- und selbstvertrauensmangel...
auf jeden fall war der mädelsabend heute superlustig und ich muss jetzt ins bett, weil morgen besagte 3 stunden mmp
uiui, der titel hat ja wahnsinnig viel relevanz...
egal, gute nacht!

Monday, January 08, 2007

fast vergessen...

ach ja, roman lässt mitteilen:" äh.. ja..hmmm."
hat irgendwer das mal gelesen, was ich da grad geschrieben hab?!? ich benutze wörter wie klasse und genial, hab neulich gehört, dass das altmodisch wär - vielleicht hab ich ja schrödingers geehirn!!!

weihnachten und neujahr und so...

war dieses jahr doch alles mal so richtig gut, exzessiv weihnachten, exzessiv feiern, exzessiv faulenzen. vielleicht zu exzessiv gefaulenzt-hatte keine ahnung, dass man soviel zeit mit wintersport im fernsehen verbringen kann- *piepsige stimme*: ich hatte ja keine ahnung,hihi ... tja, das reicht jetzt wieder fürn paar jahre...
war alles aber superlustig, haben den letzten tag uni mit kampfwichteln, glühwein, pizza und meiner neuen lieblingssportart tischfussball ausklingen lassen, war wahnsinn, ich hab die besten kommilitonen auf der ganzen welt!!! kann aber trotzdem noch nicht fassen, dass heute alles schon wieder angefangen hat, schlimmer als sonst, bin in mechanik fast gar nicht mehr mitgekommen und dann mmpübung versucht und fast gar nichts gekonnt, also jedenfalls nichts, was man abgeben könnte, grausam, absolut unmenschlich... bin zwar motiviert aber einfach grad vielzublöd. vielleicht hab ich das denken verlernt, hab ja sowieso nen guten vorsatz: sobald ich kohle hab, lass ich mir ein echtes, funktionstüchtiges gehirn mit allen extras transplantieren, so mit rechtschreibhilfe, logikdingsbums und terminplanermodul.
vielleicht das richtige stichwort für nen AUFRUF, auf den sich wie immer dann doch keiner meldet, schon ok. also: welche gehirne kämen denn so für mich in frage???
ich hätte ja am liebsten schödingers gehirn, McJolies aussehen, das boot aus the island, nen teilchenbeschleuniger im garten und n spaceshuttle auch.
das beste daran wäre wahrscheinlich schrödingers gehirn, das ist bloss leider schon zu staub verfallen, ausserdem will ich vielleicht gar nicht wissen, was männer den ganzen tag so denken, obwohl man darüber vermutlich hinwegsehen könnte. und der rest - naja, wofür hat man träume...
geb morgen praktikum, hoff, das wird lustig, wollte ja eigetlich nen neuen artikel über frauenfeindliche chauvis verfassen, bin aber grad nicht so richtig in stimmung, aber wenn ichs hier rein schreib, kann ichs sicher nicht vergessen.
hab mir grad n bier geholt und werd jetzt nochmal mmp versuchen,
hoffe, alle hatten son genialen start ins neue jahr