Finally I'm back in a lab. This might be the very last time I do something like this, so I'm really trying to enjoy, but...
once again: a little story.
Yesterday I hand a coax cable to one of my peers telling him where to plug it in, when my assistant says:
How bout you do that yourself? Then you can see how it feels to plug in such a cable.
? AGAIN??? First of all I have seen and plugged in more than one of these in my life, I can even differ between different sorts of cables! Secondly I've had an electronics course, accompanied by a soldering and "plugging" lab, so I even know how different cables are supposed to work.
Last but not least, when I worked at VBA I'm pretty sure that I plugged more of those coax cables than he ever will in his sorry little life.
And by the way: just because I have boobs doesn't mean that I can't handle a scope.
Showing posts with label just a girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just a girl. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
always the same...
... but different everytime.
3 days ago: some guy in a conversation with me starts playing with my wallet -
some guy: can I look what's inside
me (can't really deny and be unfriendly): umm... (pause)... sure.
some guy nestles around obviously trying to find something personal
me: you won't find anything interesting, there's just money in there.
some guy tries even harder
me: --
some guy finally gives up and says: wow, you're not a real girl, real girls carry pictures and little notes and stuff like that.
me: -- ?
some guy: honestly, you can't be a real girl.
me: well I know I'm a girl, right now I'm even wearing a skirt!
some guy looks at my front: ... yeah ok, the skirt makes you a girl.
***
yesterday: some other guy in a conversation with me starts playing with my wallet, fumbling around for half an hour not opening it but clearly curious. I can't pretend not to notice any longer
me: oh... go ahead, look inside you won't find anything interesting there's just money in there.
some other guy opens it and looks inside
me: yeah, I know, I'm not a typical girl, no pictures, no notes, but I wear a skirt, see.
some other guy: no typical person would wear a skirt with this weather!
end of story
3 days ago: some guy in a conversation with me starts playing with my wallet -
some guy: can I look what's inside
me (can't really deny and be unfriendly): umm... (pause)... sure.
some guy nestles around obviously trying to find something personal
me: you won't find anything interesting, there's just money in there.
some guy tries even harder
me: --
some guy finally gives up and says: wow, you're not a real girl, real girls carry pictures and little notes and stuff like that.
me: -- ?
some guy: honestly, you can't be a real girl.
me: well I know I'm a girl, right now I'm even wearing a skirt!
some guy looks at my front: ... yeah ok, the skirt makes you a girl.
***
yesterday: some other guy in a conversation with me starts playing with my wallet, fumbling around for half an hour not opening it but clearly curious. I can't pretend not to notice any longer
me: oh... go ahead, look inside you won't find anything interesting there's just money in there.
some other guy opens it and looks inside
me: yeah, I know, I'm not a typical girl, no pictures, no notes, but I wear a skirt, see.
some other guy: no typical person would wear a skirt with this weather!
end of story
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
being... me
The longer I do physics, the more I recognize myself in stupid clichés. At least I try to dress nicely, I wear skirts and heels and mascara, I shower everyday, and I try not to be too buddylike to guys that are not my peers. I've always liked science fiction, though, and I have to admit that I still play d&d twice a year when I meet my old friends, I love techy gadgets and I still read comics - I just don't buy them anymore.
I guess I have been geekier when I was younger but there's new symtoms: confusion, paranoia and neuroses.
I thought my mum's birthday was tomorrow but then I realized yesterday that Wednesday was not the 24th. When people look at me I usually think I either bleed somewhere in my face, or I have some kind of stains on my clothes, or that I have birdshit on my hair. I need to know that my kitchen is absolutely clean to sleep.
Pathetic little me.
I guess I have been geekier when I was younger but there's new symtoms: confusion, paranoia and neuroses.
I thought my mum's birthday was tomorrow but then I realized yesterday that Wednesday was not the 24th. When people look at me I usually think I either bleed somewhere in my face, or I have some kind of stains on my clothes, or that I have birdshit on my hair. I need to know that my kitchen is absolutely clean to sleep.
Pathetic little me.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
a story
I'm trying to follow a derviation of some equation while drinking some wine (not coffee) and the following comes to my mind:
When I was working at the VBA some weeks ago I lived in a really nice hotel with conference rooms and such in the middle of nowhere. Since all the people from my university were there - at the university - or at some meeting or buisy otherwise and I didn't go by car, I went to the Hotel around 9 pm and had dinner there alone almost every night. How awfully pathetic.
One night I was chatted up by two guys. A doctor (MD) and a pilot. It was really nice not to be alone - after being practically alone in the office the whole day - and they talked alot about themselves until they asked me what I was doing. I told them I studied physics and was there to work at the VBA - the first one left to get another drink and chat to some other person at the bar. The one that was left asked me what exactly I was doing there and I answered with one sentence, trying not to be too geeky - he left with a lame excuse.
end of story
When I was working at the VBA some weeks ago I lived in a really nice hotel with conference rooms and such in the middle of nowhere. Since all the people from my university were there - at the university - or at some meeting or buisy otherwise and I didn't go by car, I went to the Hotel around 9 pm and had dinner there alone almost every night. How awfully pathetic.
One night I was chatted up by two guys. A doctor (MD) and a pilot. It was really nice not to be alone - after being practically alone in the office the whole day - and they talked alot about themselves until they asked me what I was doing. I told them I studied physics and was there to work at the VBA - the first one left to get another drink and chat to some other person at the bar. The one that was left asked me what exactly I was doing there and I answered with one sentence, trying not to be too geeky - he left with a lame excuse.
end of story
Saturday, November 17, 2007
oh, well...
The week is over.
I've talked to the labsupervisor about the monday issue (I didn't mention the PDA though), he laughed and was really friendly asking about my future plans. And I had two more labs with really great students! I loved it although this week it took up alot of my time - it's going to be better the rest of semester.
It was really good talking to a senior person about my plans - it was more like chatting - and I'd like to know his opinion on all this and talk to him some more. Just have to find the right moment. I'm don't really want to make a formal appointment, the institute is very familiar so we're more used to walking in somewhere and say hi, but I think he's very buisy and to be honest I'm sometimes scared that I desperately want some kind of advisor or mentor because my dad's being such a jerk, and I always think I should be old enough to handle stuff alone. My mom is really awesome, but she's a professional in every sense, she's not in academia, and when she was a student I'm pretty sure she always knew what she was doing. A lot of people around me think I'm a tough girl or something but as soon as they talk to me my insecurities become pretty obvious.
I've read alot in the Female Science Professor's blog recently. I'm so glad I found it! She writes about many things I think not only female scientists should be interested in. Not only that I feel less alone in these genderissues, it also helps selfreflecting. Usually I react to sexist comments with laughing or making even worse jokes like - yeah, actually I'm really just here to find myself a husband! That doesn't help, I guess. One of my peers sometimes joked about what I wear and that I had much more opportunities than him to meet potential partners until one day I got really upset about it - he apologized and never did it again, but I have this nagging feeling sometimes that this was not just fun and that at least he said what he tought while others might not do so.
Still the comment that hurt me most in all my life was that I had only passed electrodynamics because I wore a skirt. I shouldn't have to defend myself on this but here comes: It was a very hot day in summer, the skirt went over my knees, I didn't wear heels and no low neckline. I became very nervous after the professor said something like I should stop explaining stuff because that's what formulas were for and it went really badly. I couln't say a word after that and wrote total bullshit on this dammed blackboard. His office was small so I was stuck between his desk and the wall and I remember thinking he might stab me in the back or break my neck from behind. I've had these exam issues for ever and it gets better but this was one of the worst days I've ever had and mentioned comment...
I'm insecure enough without stuff like that. I just want to do physics until someone figures out how incapable I really am and kicks me out. I even tell people in the face! I know I shouldn't mix up my own insecurity with sexist comments from absolute jerks but they sort of kling together.
I've talked to the labsupervisor about the monday issue (I didn't mention the PDA though), he laughed and was really friendly asking about my future plans. And I had two more labs with really great students! I loved it although this week it took up alot of my time - it's going to be better the rest of semester.
It was really good talking to a senior person about my plans - it was more like chatting - and I'd like to know his opinion on all this and talk to him some more. Just have to find the right moment. I'm don't really want to make a formal appointment, the institute is very familiar so we're more used to walking in somewhere and say hi, but I think he's very buisy and to be honest I'm sometimes scared that I desperately want some kind of advisor or mentor because my dad's being such a jerk, and I always think I should be old enough to handle stuff alone. My mom is really awesome, but she's a professional in every sense, she's not in academia, and when she was a student I'm pretty sure she always knew what she was doing. A lot of people around me think I'm a tough girl or something but as soon as they talk to me my insecurities become pretty obvious.
I've read alot in the Female Science Professor's blog recently. I'm so glad I found it! She writes about many things I think not only female scientists should be interested in. Not only that I feel less alone in these genderissues, it also helps selfreflecting. Usually I react to sexist comments with laughing or making even worse jokes like - yeah, actually I'm really just here to find myself a husband! That doesn't help, I guess. One of my peers sometimes joked about what I wear and that I had much more opportunities than him to meet potential partners until one day I got really upset about it - he apologized and never did it again, but I have this nagging feeling sometimes that this was not just fun and that at least he said what he tought while others might not do so.
Still the comment that hurt me most in all my life was that I had only passed electrodynamics because I wore a skirt. I shouldn't have to defend myself on this but here comes: It was a very hot day in summer, the skirt went over my knees, I didn't wear heels and no low neckline. I became very nervous after the professor said something like I should stop explaining stuff because that's what formulas were for and it went really badly. I couln't say a word after that and wrote total bullshit on this dammed blackboard. His office was small so I was stuck between his desk and the wall and I remember thinking he might stab me in the back or break my neck from behind. I've had these exam issues for ever and it gets better but this was one of the worst days I've ever had and mentioned comment...
I'm insecure enough without stuff like that. I just want to do physics until someone figures out how incapable I really am and kicks me out. I even tell people in the face! I know I shouldn't mix up my own insecurity with sexist comments from absolute jerks but they sort of kling together.
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